I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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