1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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