I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
