I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
