Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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