It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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