Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize