I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
