so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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