I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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