im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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