Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
