Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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