drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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