well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
