Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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