yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
