I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
