I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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