When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
