With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
