you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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