Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
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After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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