cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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