just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
