Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
