i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
