I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
