so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
