so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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