so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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