Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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