I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
