I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
