I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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