nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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