Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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