Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
