it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
