She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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