Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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