Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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