using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
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You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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