He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can't put those talents on a resume
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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