I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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