wrigley field is MILF paradise
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
