Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Randomize
