we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
