when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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