Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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