She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
