i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
