i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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