I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
