waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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