just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
