Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
