Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
