My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
