just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
