if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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