I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
