I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
