Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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