the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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