can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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