Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
