i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
