the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
