Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
