i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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